'what's been up?'

Goodness me, its been awhile since I last posted on here. I need to get back into the habit but its difficult with the extensive school work thrown at me. I've been prioritising school assignments over my own outlets of enjoyment. 'Freak' has been nagging me at the back of my mind as it moves down on my 'to do' list. I've written pieces for it and soon they will become irrelevant therefore I'll need to publish something. I don't know how Tavi Gevinson does it or even got started. Maybe I'll take advantage of my 2 week holiday approaching in 5 or so weeks. I haven't even seen Gabbi (my partner-in-crime) at all this year. I want to do something about it though.  ahhh

I've also been lacking inspiration and interesting ideas to write about. I feel my intelligence and writing ability has declined, not due to minimal blogging, but because of alcohol consumption (I know that sounds paranoid and silly). I don't drink much but I do feel its affected me in some way. Recently I've decided to just stop drinking alcohol and not aim to get drunk when I go to parties. People ask me, "Why aren't you drinking?", as I drink from my trusty water bottle and answer, "Got to stay hydrated." Imagine how pretentious I would sound if I say, "I don't want to kill my brain cells since I want to remain smart." I'll probably drink again when I feel I've reached my intellectual acme. I'm working to regain and expand my knowledge through various tactics including reading the dictionary and deleting 'very' from my vocabulary.

As of today, I've decided I will aim for an AUT (Auckland University of Technology) scholarship so I can get a Bachelor of Communications degree. Media is a powerful tool in planting ideas and ideals in our minds and I plan to use media to change the attitude of society and challenge people's thinking. I want to form a forward-thinking, innovative magazine that not only focuses on the usual 'music, fashion, art, culture' combo but also addresses world issues such as sexism and racism. Once the magazine is popular and successful, I will start a record label because music artists and magazines are inter-dependent. Despite the abundance of online magazines,  I know my creations will appeal to the masses and I will still become a media mogul. I will build a fucking empire.

- freak out

a rant for sexists #1

This morning I watched this video that was shared various times on Facebook by fellow pupils from my all-girls school. I thought, “Finally, somebody did this and did this well”, because the idea of gender equality needs to be conspicuous in order to provoke viewers to question themselves and society.  Later today, I realised this video emphatically broadened my awareness of people’s treatment towards me as a young, Asian female. I was at the supermarket and I was looking at the bunches of bananas as I wanted to find the best ones. A middle-aged white man next to me was rapidly picking random bananas and even was separating the bunches  - I didn’t know you could do that so I was gazing. He obviously thought I looked clueless since he started saying to me multiple times, “It’s not that difficult, is it?” Initially I thought he was joking and I didn’t know how to react so I just nervously laughed and said, “Haha, yeah.” As he walked off and past me, he said under his breath, “it’s not that difficult”, and thats when I realised he was just being fucking condescending and rude. I finally picked a good bunch of bananas (I’m slow and indecisive) and I spotted him picking out some avocados or something. My aim was to catch his gaze and give him the most devilish glare but  he didn’t see me. I did, however, give him the dirtiest look anyways. That incident has been bugging me ever since because it mirrored the video in a way. Why did the white man think he could mock me? He should have fucking respected me and let me pick the best bananas while he picked his own bunch of shitty bananas. If I were a white teenage boy, I doubt he would have said anything - that fatherfucker. I can’t stop thinking about what I should have done in that situation, which derived from patriarchal ideals. If I could re-do that moment, I would stand up against him with my sassiness and intelligence.  At least next time I’ll be better prepared.

You probably think his remarks weren't of any significance but I think small actions can't be overlooked. I guess I've been taught to think critically about the causes of our behaviours. 

- freak out 

My Summer Reflection

Today marks the end of my summer holidays as tomorrow I will be embarking on my first day of my last year of school. I should be devastated but instead I'm happy. These holidays have been deeply gratifying and have given me opportunities to "break the routine", gain memorable experiences and befriend new people that I didn't expect I would befriend.  If my holidays were boring, I would be dreading to go to school since I would be yearning to make up for the lost memories. Thank goodness my holidays were fucking great.

I started my freedom from school with 'On the Road' written by Jack Kerouac, who drew inspiration from his hitch-hiking travels across America and the strange people he met. I didn't actually finish it because it became a bit tedious and boring but I thought it was a beautiful idea to explore the world beyond our own.  Coincidently I ended up hitch-hiking a few times this summer (with friends of course) but it obviously didn't compare to the pages of Kerouac's journey. Rather than travelling across my country, we travelled from party to party like typical teenagers. Disappointingly, we didn't meet anyone interesting enough to be mentioned on here. The most interesting were probably the  bogans that were on a mission to "score some weed". They were thankfully friendly and stupid enough to have 8 people in their Corolla and I can tell you that it wasn't a comfortable ride sitting on a stranger's lap. 

With the benefits of friends and their drivers licence, we weren't limited to the small boundaries of central Auckland suburbs. The ease of transport dissolved worries of being home before curfew as it gained us more time. We could do many different things before our parents began to call, "What time will you be home?".  We went to a hidden (but not-so-secret) beach and  waterfall. We walked through our schools in a different light as the sun slept. We explored the deteriorating rooms of abandoned and haunted houses while we wondered about the people that lived in them and how the houses came to be this way. My favourite place has been the Carlile house in Ponsonby because it has a certain beauty accumulated from the eerie, distraught and desolate environment. The  crumbling walls were covered in quotes and drawings by, I assume, the drug-addicts and the homeless people that occupy the house at night or simply just bored teenagers.  According to the internet, the house is heavily haunted but nothing supernatural happened. However there was a constant melody that sounded like a child's toy but it was possibly the neighbour's wind chimes. A door also slammed behind us but I guess it was a relatively windy day ( I hope. I don't remember). I'm just trying to convince myself that I wasn't in the presence of any ghostly characters otherwise I would not be able to sleep peacefully tonight. 

The Carlile House

"ALLGOOD BRO"

An abandoned 1970s-80s house

 Its going to be difficult to experience a summer more exciting than this one but I am hopeful.

-freak out

first time experiences: Big Day Out (+ Arcade Fire)

My excitement for January 17th woke me at 6.30am with hours to spare until I entered through the gates of Western Springs park and became engrossed with the music festival vibes. It's been two years since the last Auckland Big Day Out that struggled with slow ticket sales and financial issues. I reckon the short hiatus allowed renewal of public interest for BDO 2014 and in addition promoters organised a lineup aimed to bring back BDO with a splash. This was my first BDO as I haven't been old enough for the previous years and therefore I saw BDO as a "coming-of-age" moment. 

Mac Miller

The 1975

The warm stench of marijuana dominated the atmosphere while the heat gradually became unbearable as the day aged and the alcohol kicked into our system. Out of my friends, I was practically the only one with the urge to dance that I could not control, which did not benefit my over-heating either.  The first act we watched was the 1975, a UK "alternative/indie rock band" (according to wikipedia), play their songs infused with catchy rhythms and guitar riffs about Sex, Girls and Chocolate. Mac Miller was next on the same stage 45 minutes after the 1975 and a larger audience began to accumulate as the 1975 left the stage. I was willing to sneak my way to the front even if it meant losing my friends. I befriended the people around me instead and I noticed a lot of them were from Napier - does that say something about Mac's demographic? This really lovely girl called Jess (I think) even asked for my details so she could invite me to her St Patrick's day party on Remuera road after she had sprayed vodka in my mouth from a sunscreen bottle. Its strange how you could build a small community from the mutual love for the music and artist. Mac rushed onto the stage and opened with Gees as he amped the teenage crowd. His high energy set and pink hair caused him to perspire pink sweat but his coolness was still intact as he obviously did not "give a fuck". He performed a good mixture of his new songs and songs that shot him to fame. OK, Watching Movies and S.D.S were my highlights of his performance but OK would have been even more awesome if Tyler, the Creator somehow materialised on stage. However I did see Diplo and Lorde side of stage together during Mac's performance and I'll also add that Mac gave me some intense eye contact.  After this I spent the remaining time until Arcade Fire looking for my friends, which was stressful and a lot more difficult than I expected since reception was unproductive. This procedure repeated various times until I just gave up and enjoyed the music by myself (or with girls from my old school who I haven't talked to in a while). Although later in the night, I found a friend and I'm grateful that he received and replied to my texts because imagine what could have happened at the end of the night if I was still alone. 

Arcade Fire

I've never been so entranced by a live performance before I saw Arcade Fire.  They were - hands down - my favourite performance of the night and possibly of my life (so far).  I only knew three of their songs (Afterlife, Reflektor and The Suburbs) and I did not have any expectations of them before I went to the front. It was a lot easier to get to the front compared to other acts because the audience was older and much more understanding of my lack of height.  I was instantly captivated by Win Butler's haunting voice and the violin's high pitched drones as they began with Ready to Start. Their passion, integrity and creativity shone like beams of inspiration to me. They looked like they were truly enjoying themselves as they were immersed in the music like genuine musicians and performers. Knowing only three Arcade Fire songs did not disadvantage my experience at all and it was possibly better if I didn't know all their songs because it was quite magical listening to the songs for the first time in this environment. I realised I had under-estimated the Haitian rhythms as it encouraged uncontrollable hip movement with more power than Major Lazer's dance music (in my opinion). Here Comes The Night Time put me in disbelief as I didn't think a song could move effortlessly between rock and dance rhythms as well as the dark tones of a minor key and the cheerfulness of a major key.  The launching of the silver and white confetti added to the whimsical ambiance as I felt as if I were in a giant snow globe. I'm glad that I didn't know anyone around me and I was able to enjoy Arcade Fire alone because that allowed me to dance "like no one was watching" and reach the full potential of my experience. I judge a good concert by whether I feel inspired at the end and Arcade Fire definitely left an imprint on me. 

To help you imagine what I was experiencing, heres Arcade Fire's BDO setlist:

Ready To Start

Flashbulb Eyes

Neighbourhood #3 (Power Out)

Joan Of Arc

The Suburbs

The Suburbs (Continued)

Neighbourhood #1 (Tunnels)

Afterlife

Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

Haiti

Normal Person

Keep The Car Running

Reflektor

Rebellion (Lies)

Here Comes The Night Time

Wake Up

I had an insane amount of fun that I hope to re-live again next year at Big Day Out 2015 and I predict they will have even better acts. By the end of January 17th, an eventful and exciting day, I had realised that I had so much of a good time that I forgot to return my library books that were due on that day.

- freak out

Before I turn 17: the bucket list

This is practically the sequel to my previous post of my 2014 resolutions. 

I have one month left until I'm seventeen and I feel like I should take advantage of my adolescence and finally enjoy being sixteen. Theres a romantic aura about being 16, isn't there? At 16, you lose connection with your childhood while you prepare yourself for the realities of adulthood. I regret not making the most of being 16. I don't mean experimenting with sex and drugs - which is expected of a 16 year old. I mean I wish I started things like Freak and getting my learners licence a lot more earlier than in my last few months. I treasured my innocence but that meant I ran away from responsibility hence why I didn't bother to apply for jobs and I only recently started re-vamping my CV.

Heres my bucket list:

• Get a job
• Go to a haunted house (just because)
• Release the first issue of Freak
• Watch the stars from a car roof
• Go on a mini road trip with friends. (not too sure exactly where but it has to be somewhere magical)
• Read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell (I've borrowed it from the library already but I want to finish The Beautiful and Damned by F.Scott Fitzgerald first)
• Walk the streets while everyone's asleep
• Participate in a protest 
• Learn how to make dumplings
• Get a tattoo

Sorry for the lack of excitement.

If I don't do all these things before I'm 17, I'll move them to my "Before I turn 18: the bucket list".

- freak out

(p.s. I will be crossing things off from the list as I've done them)

Resolutions for Y2K14

It's been 5 days into the new year of 2014 and its already lost the "new" feeling since I've come to terms with time, which passes ever so quickly. Before I finish reading Crime and Punishment, its already going to be 2015. Instead of resisting the current of time, I shall embrace 2014 and "go with the flow". I'm going to take initiative and make things happen for me this year rather than waiting around for opportunities to come to me. I'm going to make opportunities happen. I'm worried for what will happen in 2014 but yet I'm excited because I'm going to follow the "I don't give a fuck" mantra and start living. This year I want to meet interesting/odd/strange people and hope to befriend them since I'm sick of boring people who are obsessed with social status, wealth and "fitting in". I also have high hopes for Freak even though we have yet to assemble it together for its release on February 1st. 

After reflecting on 2013, I've come up with resolutions to improve myself and make 2014 the best yet. In 2014, I'm going to...

• Be adventorous and spontaneous 
• Stop caring about what people think
• Meet new people outside my social circle
• Start a journal 
• Get really fricken good at piano by practising at least 5 times a week
• Improve my Chinese (so I'll need to befriend more Chinese people)
• Be able to do sit-ups 
• Do a quarter (or half) marathon 
• Develop a Freak following (which means I hope Freak takes off and has dedicated readers)
• Use my initiative to reach my ambitions

These resolutions allow me to have some control over 2014 but I won't be able to control everything that happens for the next 12 months. Who knows what will happen? I may fall in love. I may move overseas (hopefully to New York). And maybe by the end of the year, I may also be enduring the start of a career in my preferred area of profession. I expect good things for this year but I know I need to restrict my optimism as its possible 2014 could be a disappointment.

- freak out

'Almost Famous' is not real life

Big Day Out held a media accreditation competition with the prize of interviewing the artists and in the description they said "like Almost-Famous style". With this film reference, I assumed they were allowing 16-year-olds to enter since the protagonist of 'Almost Famous' was sixteen and writing for Rolling Stone. The requirement was to write a music review of Arcade Fire's 'Afterlife' and at that time I knew nothing about Arcade Fire but I thought I may as well give it a go. I worked hard on this review with 'Afterlife' continuously on repeat.  I also delved into the background of Arcade Fire through wikipedia, youtube and other magazine articles. There were moments where I just thought, "do I even bother?", and I hadn't even finished the review by the day entries were closed. On the day I planned to submit it, I read the terms and conditions where I discovered I didn't meet the criteria. I wasn't 18 years old and I wasn't living in Australia. I was conflicted, "Do I or do I not send it in?", but I realised it would have been a waste if I didn't submit it. 

Heres my review:

Afterlife - Arcade Fire

The veterans of alternative music have effortlessly revived the Internet hype once again with their dance-rock fusion, Afterlife, clocking more than 1,000,000 youtube views in less than 2 weeks of its release. There’s been immense pressure for Arcade Fire to meet the high expectations of fans and critics after the release of the Grammy award winning album, The Suburbs. Patient fans shall be in for a pleasant surprise with the unpredictability of Afterlife and its genre-bending disco beats, Haitian inspired rhythms and resonating 80s synth. The song’s energetic pulse is complimented by the angelic backing vocals and Win Butler’s hushed voice that could easily be mistaken for Morrisey’s.  The ascending sequence of punchy French horns leads to the pinnacle before it suddenly dies down to the outro.  As Afterlife closes, Arcade Fire cleverly mimics a heartbeat as if someone is on life support, relating back to the song title. Butler’s melancholic singing comes into play, “its just an after life”, while he comes to terms with death over the minimal instrumentation – leaving a haunting impression on the listener. In 2013, we live in a culture obsessed with dance music for some unexplainable reason and Arcade Fire has showcased their ability to adapt to the current market in order to remain competitive and relevant. They have done this without selling their soul to the devil but with integrity as they remain loyal to themselves and their fans.

Almost a month later, I received an email informing me that I was finalist for the competition but I had to give them my details. 16 years old and living in Auckland. Obviously ruined my chances of winning but I'm proud that I was even a finalist since the entries would have been works of university students. They haven't announced the winners yet but I'm kind of hoping/wishing that they think my review is too good to dismiss and then they would give me the opportunity to be 'Almost Famous'.

- freak out

p.s. I know music journalism is dying.