Mid-teen crisis: pilot episode

I remember as an 11 year old girl I just couldn't wait to grow up and be 16. Being 16 seemed so old and "so cool" but I don't remember any legitimate reasons as to why I wanted to grow up so bad. It could have been that movies and TV shows often portrayed teenage girls to have the most fun or it could have been that teenage girls were in every movie that I watched at 11 and so I wanted to be like them. Although as a 16 year old girl today, I don't understand why I wanted to grow up so bad because now I resent becoming an adult. I subconsciously associate 16 with starting a career or becoming successful and I'm definitely nowhere near starting anything but instead I'm focusing on finishing school. I hate saying that I'm 16 because I'm more than halfway to 30 and I have to think about my future now.

Growing up is one of the most scariest experiences that an average teenager would have to face. As a  16 year-old girl and in my second to last year of school, I have had to think about universities and future career options. My dream is to get paid for what I love doing whether its making music, writing or just creating art, similar to the careers of Pharrell, Jay-Z, Kanye and Tyler, the Creator. However, I highly doubt that will happen and I will most likely go with the norm and study commerce at Auckland University. I'd rather go to NYU and attend the Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music but I definitely cannot afford it but I don't want to stay in New Zealand so maybe Melbourne is the next best alternative.

At school, we have to do this assignment thing where we look into different career options and what we can do to get there. It tells you to list 3 "realistic" options and I had no idea what to write without sounding delusional of some sort so I wrote down musician/composer, marketing manager (preferably at a music label) and music journalist - I obviously had to tone my ambitions down a little bit. I guess school just tries to keep your head out of the clouds but in all honesty my top career option would be:

•  A successful music artist that composes for film, writes for magazines (or possibly start up my own magazine) and design clothes. So basically, I just want to create and do stuff that I'm passionate about. The only way to make a comfortable living is that I would have to be well-known or some may say "famous" (but I hate this word). I just want to be an artist that brings all the different arts together and build my own brand. However, I know this is insanely difficult to accomplish and not only do I have to be determined but I also have to be extremely lucky.

Yesterday I was on the bus to attend Auckland University's Open day and when I saw the countless of backpacks of students walking around like a colony of ants, my heart dropped a little as I rested my head on the back of the bus seat in front of me. I hate facing the reality that I'll be going to university and facing the "real world". The world doesn't cater much to my enjoyment and fantasies - well the world that I know. I don't want to spend my life at an office wearing blouses and pencil skirts. Maybe I should explore and discover the different worlds within our big world. Maybe I'll go to New York and just meet strange people like writers, poets, comedians, performers, musicians. Maybe I'll just have to come to terms with the fact that being an artist may mean I'll be poor but at least I'll be happy.

Almost Famous
Oddly enough, I found this photo after I wrote the paragraph above.

If you're older than 16 then you'll probably find these problems rather petty but I guess they are. I'll grow up and reflect on my journey and say "it wasn't that bad." But right now I'm having a mid-teen crisis.

With all my thoughts and emotions, I think this is a perfect moment to re-read Catcher in the Rye.

-Freak out

Heres a playlist: 'Screw Stress'

What do most of us do when we are stressed?

Listen to music

From here and beyond until I finish my last NCEA exam of 2013, I know I am going to be extremely stressed and I know heaps of other people will feel the same.  So heres a playlist that could be played while you're relaxing in the bath with a burning vanilla scented candle or you can play it while you are studying your arse off.

1. Up in Flames - Coldplay

A fairly slow song with repeating piano chords and a constant drum beat complimenting Chris Martin's almost-a-whisper voice, which make this song more intimate and soothing.

2. No Surprises - Radiohead

One of my favourite songs of Radiohead with its tinkling glockenspiel making it almost dream-like or like a baby's lullaby.

3. Across the Universe - The Beatles

The Beatles were inspired by their time in India which is obvious within this song through the chant 'jai guru deva om' (which translates to 'I give thanks to Guru Deva') and also heard through the Indian guitar - the sitar and, which allows this song has a meditational sense to it.

4. Yayo - Lana Del Rey

This is a classic Lana song as it features in her first e.p Kill Kill, her debut album (Lana Del Rey a.k.a Lizzy Grant) and also in the Paradise edition of Born To Die - truly shows how far she has come. It has a more acoustic sound with the simple plucking of the guitar strings and the echoing of her vocals.

5. Chelsea Hotel No.2 - Leonard Cohen

Cohen wrote this song in memory of Janis Joplin, whom he was close with, and it has a sense of romanticism without being cheesy. I think Cohen's lyrics truly standout from the minimal production and you can definitely feel his grief through each note.

6. Dream A Little Dream Of Me - Doris Day

I love this version of this song as its jazzy and cool. The improvisation and trills of the piano compliments Doris' breathy, low voice. The subtleties of this song such as the tapping drum beat and strings really hold this song together.

7. Strawberry Swing - Frank Ocean

A great rendition of Strawberry Swing, which was originally written by Coldplay, it was re-written by Ocean as he showcases his song-writing talents over another musician's backing. The driving rhythms and electric guitar riff makes this song uplifting and just makes you feel good.

8. Landslide - Fleetwood Mac

For anyone thats read 'Perks of being a wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky will know that 'Landslide' is the tunnel song that helped create the feeling of 'infinite'. Need I say more?

9. The Sound of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel

Always gotta have a bit of folk to relax the mind haha. This song is quite a percussive piece but it beautifully opens with the harmonisation of whispering vocals.

10. Claire de lune - Claude Debussy

"Classical" music is perfect for studying as it doesn't have lyrics that may distract you from your studies. Debussy's works aren't classified as 'classical' but it is actually impressionist music which relates to the impressionism movement in art. Debussy was inspired by impressionist art and mainly aims to paint a picture for the listener. Just listen to the colourful harmonies and think about what Debussy is trying to portray (if you aren't trying to memorise Shakespeare quotes for your English exam).

More than just Yonkers

Damnit, I'm developing a crush on Tyler. Everybody loves Tyler and Odd Future, especially the people of the tumblr community and the white boys that skate. I never understood the big deal about him and I thought he was extremely obnoxious. I tried listening to him and all I heard was "fuck bitches, fuck cocksuckers" or something along those lines. People may have different reasons to why they like Odd Future and stuff, maybe because their "cool"? But I sure didn't want to jump on the band wagon.

But then his latest album, Wolf, came out. I remember when I saw his video for IFHY ft. Pharrell on someone's blog and I became extremely curious and I wanted to see what Pharrell did on this track. The colourful, cartoon-esque, fake essence of the video was very entertaining and it interpreted the song in a vibrant way that would make you want to watch and listen to the music. I thought "ok, this is actually not too bad" and then I came across a review on his album on XXL (http://www.xxlmag.com/rap-music/reviews/2013/04/album-review-tyler-the-creator-wolf/). After I read that, I thought "wow, he seems very smart. Maybe I'll give him a chance".

Then I listened to his album on spotify and damnit, it was good. It wasn't a typical hip hop album as it made the use of piano very well. I don't think I've ever heard jazz piano chords as a dominant feature on a hip hop track until I heard Wolf. Tyler has truly developed his artistry and this album is an obvious step up from his previous album, Goblin. My favourite tracks on Wolf are Lone, Colossus, Tamale and Domo23. I think Lone concludes Wolf perfectly and it allows people to take him seriously as an artist; I know I respected him more after I listened to this song. Lone bares his vulnerability as he delves into his problems and the situation of his Grandma's death while he is talking to Dr T.C, one of his alter egos. The production sounds like music a therapist would play for you to help you relax during a session or something. This is one of the more "jazzier" tracks with a saxophone leading with a mellow melody that is taken over by strings as the song develops.

What is amazing about Tyler is that he is extremely successful for someone that doesn't have any songs played on radio; all thanks to internet and technology, which he uses to his advantage. Through the creation of a large following (some call it a "movement"), he has a huge influence on today's youth culture and fashion trends. I remember last year seeing those photos of Tyler wearing a Supreme hat on tumblr and then practically overnight there was a wildfire of teenagers wearing Supreme hats and still continue to wear them till this day (but they should stop, to be honest).

He is perceived to be a bad influence but if you go past the prejudice, you'll find out Tyler isn't really that bad. Some people may not know that Tyler is straight edge, which means no drugs, no alcohol and no smoking. It is almost unheard of in our generation and I really respect him for that.

 Tyler definitely has talent, creativity and a vast imagination that he showcases as a rap artist, producer, director and designer. He states that rap isn't his main passion and he is actually planning to "retire" from the rap game. Film and directing is what he truly loves as he directs his own music videos, which is respectable and it shows he is in total control of his artistry. He has an obvious grasp on who he is as a person and artist.

I guess I've jumped on the band wagon but for all the right reasons.

- Freak out