I saw several people from my school posting this personality chart on Facebook and of course I was intrigued by the idea that your "personality" can be visually translated for yours and everyone else's knowledge. (I put quotation marks around "personality" because my friend once said personalities don't exist and in reality we are a mixture other people's traits, opinions, preferences etc.) The personality chart is developed from a strenuous quiz with simple questions and answers, which you obviously have to answer as honest as possible. After a long hour of answering these questions, I viewed my results and it was pretty much what I expected.
I bet my friends would have expected the 'self-confidence' to be insanely high. I expected it to be high but not at THIS high at the maximum rating. Although I was prepared for these results, the extreme 'self-confidence' and 'determination' truly scared me and made me question myself and my motives.
Am I so determined that I would be willing to be corrupt/dishonest/unethical in order to succeed?
Does that make me a selfish person that I would prioritise achieving my own ambitions?
What if I have "too much" self- confidence?
Almost a year ago I made a conscious change to fake my 'self-confidence' because I realised the importance of believing in yourself and your ideas, visions, decisions and ambitions in order to succeed in life and be happy. If you are confident in yourself then you become less reliant on other people's approval of you while other people will also have faith and confidence in you. (I shall save 'the importance of self-confidence and self-love' for a later post.) Over the months, I've become more and more self-assured in my decisions for the future but I still have doubts about certain things.
I know I am a highly ambitious, determined person but I worry that these traits would lead to my downfall just like Macbeth. Shakespeare warns us "security is mortal's chiefest enemy", which makes me think about the dangers of having 'security' in oneself. I often think about this quote/advice because it simply makes sense to me as I relate my excessive self-confidence to the type of 'security' Shakespeare is referring to - Macbeth's false sense of invincibility.
Even before I did this quiz, I had been thinking about the possibility of my ambitiousness and confidence creating a monster within me.
But screw it. I'll use these attributes to my advantage and become successful.
I love it when friends introduce me to new music because it saves me the effort to search for good, new music upon the vast internet. Theres an abundance of musicians putting themselves online through soundcloud, youtube etc. but only a minority of them are actually worth listening to and downloading to your iTunes. Music blogs or online magazines, like Hypetrak, are helpful to an extent but they practically post any music of any new artist so there is a mixture of good, average and awful musicians. I always read the description/overview of the music and artist and the writer always makes the musician sound great but I'm often disappointed when I press play. Whereas, friends know your music taste and have relatively good judgements on what or what not to 'link' you.
Here is a list of upcoming and established musicians my lovely friends have introduced to me / or I've discovered through various outlets (since I also want to return the favour) :
Logic
If Frank Sinatra was reincarnated as a rapper,
he would be re-living his fame and glory as 23-year-old Logic (whose real name
is actually Sir Robert Bryson Hall III – I’m not kidding). Logic embodies the
Sinatra charm and confidence while he blows our mind with his wordplay and the
speed of his rhymes. Although his raps are complex and quick, he manages to
maintain a certain smoothness and an effortless flow. He has a clear vision of achieving mainstream
success while staying loyal to hip hop and we shall see if he remains true to
his word. Logic will be propelled into the
spotlight since his debut album is set to be released this year with the
support of major record label, Def Jam.
source of discovery: www.xxlmag.com
King Krule
There is a Punk renaissance infused with Jazz, Blues and Hip Hop and 19-year-old King Krule (aka Archy Marshall) is leading the way. Don't let his red hair fool you into believing he is an 'Ed Sheeran' type instead I'd say he is more like 'Johnny Rotten' if we were to be generalising gingers (which we shouldn't do). He brings angst to the foreground with his rough, tortured moans and groans while he tells us, "In my head I'm getting dead tired of this shit you've caused/ You fucking bitch." (check out those internal rhymes - he is obviously an avid listener of rap). King Krule freely moves between these indistinct states of singing and rapping (basically punk-rap) against the smoothness of his Fender guitar. Amongst the underground hip hop scene, King Krule has also gained respect with his collaboration with Ratking, a NYC hip hop collective, in So Sick Stories so don't feel your "street cred" is at jeopardy for listening to him.
source of discovery: don't actually remember
FKA Twigs
Although FKA Twigs' music lacks excitement, there is something enchanting and eerie about FKA Twigs and her ethereal electronic production. FKA Twigs deceives the audience with her innocent-Bambi-look while she expresses her sexuality through her lyrics, "That feels good in my/ That feels good/ so so amazing/ I want you in my", - why won't she finish her sentence? To be honest, I think her lyrics are too basic and boring but her use of sound is reasonably intriguing. And If I'm going to be fully honest with you, I think it was her "cool" image rather than her music that convinced me to like her.
source of discovery: Pitchfork... I think?
Glass Animals
I don't know much about Glass Animals except they're a London band consisting of four guys that make great music and understand the effectiveness of minimalism. When my friend tagged me in the Glass Animals' Facebook post of their song, Gooey, I assumed they were some kind of "alty" band. Therefore I was hesitant and wary because I have stigmatised "alternative" music in my mind but I can't always trust my judgements. Glass Animals' repertoire is a delicious mixture of psychedelic, whimsical, electro-pop flavours that I'm obsessed with now, like holy shit.
source of discovery: friend
Grimes
Two years ago, my friend sent me Grimes' Oblivion music video and my initial reaction was, "What the hell is this? Like oh my gosh, this is so weird that I'm slightly creeped out by her." I hated her but yet I could not stop watching her videos and interviews and slowly I became a fan. I truly admire her and her clear vision of herself as an artist (but I'll save my fangirling for another blog post). Visions is a bizarre, phenomenal album with music I thought I wouldn't ever enjoy but Grimes surprised me. Her innovative, futuristic production creates a hypnotic trance amongst listeners and transports them to the Fifth Element. Grimes definitely knows how to take advantage of the influence of pop music as she lures people into the catchiness of her synths. Thank goodness Grimes is currently working on her fourth album otherwise I would have started a riot because I've been anticipating for her to release more music for far too long.
source of discovery: friend - Emma
Arctic Monkeys
I know they've been around for a long time that they are practically veterans of British indie-rock music. I had disregarded the Arctic Monkeys over the years until my friend played AM on vinyl. The opening of the kick drums and moody guitar line (Do I Wanna Know?) instantly opened my eyes to the potency of the Arctic Monkeys. The booming sound system projected the domineering vibrations of the bass amongst the walls, windows, furniture and bodies. It was a stranger, wonderful sensation. If I had listened to their music on the internet, I highly doubt it would have had any influence over me.
This is going to be a random blogpost of my rambling thoughts. Sorry. Usually these types of posts are exclusive to my tumblr but I thought I would try a different stance on my blog.
Thought #1
I am over-joyed with the absence of pressure and stress as I handed in my Media and History assignments. I am proud of the work I produced in both these subjects and I felt I had learned new things and challenged my thinking. For History, I did a research folder on the influence of religion in Kororareka/Russell in regards to the building of the British Empire in New Zealand. This strenuous research had developed my appreciation for New Zealand history and Maori culture as well as making me aware of the early missionaries' legacy today. (Gosh, it sounds like I'm hoping my history teacher would read this and give me a good grade). I also had to write two Media essays on the Ghostwriter by Roman Polanski each consisting of 2500-3000 words. Polanski is highly regarded amongst Hollywood but despite his talents as a director, he is a dirty bastard. I don't support oppressors/rapists and therefore I felt conflicted and uncomfortable praising Polanski's "use of film techniques". I bullshitted just to please my teacher (and also I was on a shortage of ideas) and I wrote, "contemporary audiences may appreciate Polanski's portrayal of Ruth Lang as a femme fatale since he does not introduce her as an object of a man's desire, unlike classic film noir." - Ironically, he obviously views females as objects of his sexual pleasure as he raped and took advantage of a 13-year-old girl.
Thought #2
On the 4th of April, my friend said to me, "Today is suppose to be bad luck because of all the 'fours' in the date." I replied, "What are you talking about? That's not true."
I didn't believe it was 4/04/14 and instead I thought it was 4/04/12 as I genuinely thought it was 2012 for that moment. It was a strange feeling when I realised it was 2014. I had an epiphany and felt as if I was in Donnie Darko or something. Its beyond deja vu but I'm sure I've read about this freak occurrence somewhere. Is it something to do with another universe/dimension or what?
Thought #3
It's unsettling when you notice how much your friends care about their popularity and reputation. I realised this last night at a "gig" organised by people my age, which was a weird experience. My friends and I went with reasonable expectations but we arrived and realised it wasn't "our scene/crowd". With everyone being like "oh my gosh, this is embarrassing... I don't want to be seen here...", it was easy to agree and be swayed by their reactions. I was secretly quite jealous of this "crowd" as they were being creative together and supportive of each other. They looked like they were having heaps of fun as they were dancing to their friend's band. They seemed like they didn't care at all about what people thought. I wish I had more friends who I could be creative, spontaneous and "non-conformist" with. Agh, I need to get some friends like Tavi Gevinson/ Lorde/ M.I.A/ Grimes/ Sky Ferreira. However I love my close friends and its great because recently they have been delving into feminism too!! We hate on shallow boys (especially those St Peter's boys - I'm not afraid to 'name and shame').
