Imagine yourself driving through your neighbourhood where you've spent your adolescent years. You see your-5-year-old-self playing on the playground as you drive past but its not exactly the same as it was 12 years ago. The swings, see-saws and monkey bars have been altered and improved to be more safe yet still exciting for the next generation. You catch the gaze of a young adult in the mirror of the sun visor hanging above you. The eyes are glazed over with worry and excitement as they wonder what they will see in the future. You put your foot down on the brake but your car is rebelling and continuing to speed past your memories.
A busted brake is a terrifying thought. I had this dream last night of my car brakes not working properly - ironically after I officially graduated from Epsom Girls Grammar School. I don't usually investigate into the meanings of dreams but I naturally realised what my dream was implementing;
I can't stop the maturation process.
I've come to grips with the reality I have to grow up and face the world. I'm ready to embrace the opportunities and responsibilities. As the school year was concluding, I became eager to finish school and say good bye to superficial friendships. I've definitely matured throughout this year as16-year-old-me had strongly resented growing up. The 16-year-old me would have also focused on maintaining friendships to uphold a certain level of social status (I think that was my mindset last year? or maybe it was 15-year-old me?). The 17-year-old me has learned its more important and satisfying to focus on achieving true happiness, which fake friends and popularity would never provide for me. I've learned to stop caring about what people (who don't matter to me) think about me. I've learned to make friends based on common interests. I've learned who are my true friends. I've also learned and experienced the beauty of hard work and dedication towards achieving a goal.
As much as I'm ready to embrace adulthood, I'm also going to just simply enjoy being a teenager this summer. I'm going to savour my last moments of being 17 and not force myself to grow up fast. I can't fight time. I just have to go with the ride. And I'm ready to move onto the next stage of my life and onto bigger and better things (hopefully).
Although we lose control of things (that we never truly had any control over), we can still steer the car towards our preferred destination.
Since the beginning of the year, I had envisioned myself studying communications at AUT and possibly doing a business and communications conjoint degree. My plans have been cemented in my mind for the past year and I've already accepted a provisional offer for Communications. I've also been offered a place for their business program but I can only accept a place for one degree. These plans are realistic and easy to accomplish - especially compared to my ambitious career goals of establishing a magazine, record label and ultimately developing an empire.
However I've encountered a stumbling block along my transition from year 13 student to university student. I've been offered an AUT business scholarship. I wouldn't need to worry about the tuition fees for three years, which is great. I haven't accepted it yet because I've been having doubts and concerns about my future. I had planned to study communications in my first year before I apply for a conjoint degree with business. AUT rarely accepts students into conjoint degrees straight out of year 13 as they need to judge whether a student can handle a conjoint degree based on their grades in the first year. The scholarship changes my plans as I have to study business in my first year. I'm worried I'm going to lose the writing and thinking skills I've developed through my school subjects that would benefit my communications studies. All my hard work and dedication to History, English and Media may go to waste. I'm not even a great business student if I'm honest; I'm pretty average. I'm not passionate about business but I do think it is useful in helping me achieve my goal. I'm scared this degree will push me towards an office job.
Communication studies is where my true passions lie. I'm going to apply for a conjoint after my first year either way but I'm still worried that I may not be able maintain a B minus average in business. If I don't maintain the B minus average then I would not be able to do a conjoint degree and will also lose my scholarship. What if I can't do that? What if I get depressed because I won't be enjoying business and I'd rather be doing communications? What if I decide "screw it, I can't be bothered I'd just stick with business"? What if my writing and thinking skills decline? What if my career ambitions change and become more realistic?
I think I will accept the scholarship. I tell myself, "I am going to accept the scholarship otherwise I may appear to be ungrateful. Its a great opportunity." At the same time, as I think I'm becoming more comfortable with idea, there are episodes where I stress out and ask myself, "Is this the right decision?Why am I choosing to study a subject I'm not even great at? I'm good at History, English and Media and I enjoy them so why don't I continue with to develop skills I've learned from them?" These question leads to an emotional downwards spiral, which I try to overcome with Arcade Fire's album, Funeral.
I feel I should talk to someone and hope they give me insightful advice. Maybe you could give me assurance or guidance?
- freak out
p.s. I know I could always continue to exercise my skills outside of my studies but I may not have motivation. Hopefully I meet like-minded people that will inspire me to create things - whether it be writing, creating a zine or even making music. I know I'll have to be cautious of who I surround myself with because I don't want lazy people to diminish my drive. I might sound harsh but its true. You have to take the sandbags off the hot air balloon if you want to fly higher.
Say goodbye to flower crowns, old Hollywood curls and heart shaped glasses - the things we thought defined Lana Del Rey and her debut album, Born To Die. Elizabeth Grant's 1950s Lolita persona is dead and laid to rest in her white dress with red roses in her hair. We should have seen this coming as the title, Born To Die, was an obvious-yet-subtle hint at the death of this character that launched her into stardom. Elizabeth struggled getting recognition for her acoustic music under her name, 'Lizzy Grant', but her luck turned around fast when she transformed into Lana Del Rey and sang upon heavy hip hop beats.
There is a conspiracy theory depicting "Lana Del Rey" as simply a product of Interscope's marketing team who were supposedly motivated by her "millionaire daddy's" investment. As the media amplified the affluence of her family, people questioned if Interscope signed Lizzy due to her talent or her father's money and connections. Maybe she was getting desperate for her big break and Interscope intentionally took advantage of her thirst for fame as they moulded her into "Lana Del Rey". Despite the possibility Born To Die was a false representation of Lana, we are now able to relish in Lana's authenticity in Ultraviolence.
With an album title inspired by A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess, Ultraviolence is Lizzy's next chapter in her music career as Lana Del Rey. Lana has ditched the artificial hip hop production and opted for a more authentic approach with "cheap microphones from the drugstore" and live instruments creating painfully raw and honest rock music. While Born To Die was a representation of modern day music, Ultraviolence transports us back into the 20th century with a nostalgic sound mirroring the likes of Nina Simone, Bob Dylan, Nirvana and also Lizzy Grant. If you listen to Lana's previous work (pre-Born To Die), you will notice Ultraviolence embodies a similar acoustic vibe. Lana's ability to create imagery and atmosphere allows Ultraviolence to take us on a dark cinematic journey through a black and white TV screen; we sing along to Brooklyn Baby with a community of folk-rock musicians and beat poets in Greenwich Village, we drive a 1970s Ford Mustang convertible under the UV rays and Californian palm trees with West Coast on the radio, and then we observe a 1950s housewife leaning against the windowsill as she stares outside reminiscing about a former lover whileOld Money plays on her record player.
Since Lana has achieved fame and recognition, Lana has taken this opportunity to return to her roots and her true sound with Ultraviolence showcasing a similar style to her works as Lizzy Grant. Lana's record label originally refused to release Ultraviolence because it isn't commercially attractive and is 'unsuitable' for radio, which means less earnings for the already-affluent major label. Ultraviolence is a refreshing album amongst the obnoxious dance music we are surrounded by today. The album is less manufactured and more 'hand-crafted' and that's the beauty of Ultraviolence.
After months of Grimes on a music hiatus, she has finally released some new music which has been long over due. I wouldn't be surprised if Grimes' lengthy silence convinced people she had quit music. I was genuinely upset when I read her tumblr post about her experience with the music industry, which I misinterpreted and thought she was hinting at ending her musical efforts. Exactly 13 days ago I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and saw she had released Go - I was ecstatic until I listened to it. I was disappointed because I expected her trademark incomprehensible vocals that were present in her previous albums but she's actually singing conventionally in Go. I expected more emphasis on the melodic and percussive production, which is a characteristic of Grimes' music, but her vocals are in the foreground this time. However I did not expect the prominent dance aspect of the production. I was disappointed because it wasn't "Grimes" (or how I viewed her). I know I'm a bit late with this blogpost since Go was released two weeks ago but I'm posting it now because my mind has changed and I LOVE it. Despite my initial bitter reaction, Go is literally on repeat as I'm writing this. Grimes has a talent for making bizarre-yet-catchy songs therefore I could not suppress my love for Go by the third listen. I also learned Grimes wrote this song for Rihanna so I now understand why Go doesn't seem like a typical Grimes song. Most people hate change but Grimes demonstrates change is good and beneficial as she develops her musical artistry with Go, which I fully support. I predict Go will give her more commercial success as I can imagine people dancing and singing "When I go, can I go with you?" in the car or at a party. Go may become a popular request at parties... well I'll be definitely be putting it on. - freak out
It gets on my nerves when people insult a person's appearance because they don't fit into their perception of "beauty". Beauty is an ambiguous, abstract term while the media has enforced in our brains a definite image of female beauty as skinny, big breasts, long hair etc. We are all guilty of judging a person's appearance without realising the superficiality and shallowness embedded in ourselves.
I've become more aware of the media's wicked influence on our views on beauty ever since I watched Miss Representation. I've definitely become sensitive to the consequences of our distorted perception of beauty in my daily life. I heard a fellow classmate say, "Ew, I don't know why she posted that instagram photo because she's got rolls. That's so not attractive." I also know a group of boys that have a rating system on whether or not a girl "ticks all the boxes" and I'm sure most boys (and girls) do this but it is just wrong and disgusting. I hate seeing people liking instagram photos of people's flat abs, perky butts and thigh gaps because I think thats unhealthy to see those images constantly. I agree they are beautiful but why are we dismissive of the girls who aren't skinny or fit? I want to see more photos of girls who aren't skinny or fit yet they gleam with confidence and self-love. If you call someone 'fat' its an insult whereas calling someone skinny is a compliment instead of being plain observations and statements. Why don't we ever use 'fat' as a compliment?
Fortunately, the past couple of years has revitalised a small wave of feminism through media as actresses, musicians, artists have been provoking the public to question the ideals of beauty. Lorde and Beyonce definitely know the power of their celebrity status. Beyonce's Pretty Hurts video addresses this issue in a way female audiences can identify with as it shows how women torture themselves in order to look "beautiful". I respect Lorde since she opposes media customs and intends to challenge the universal image of beauty as she endorses that "flaws are ok". She accepts she is not "conventionally pretty" and continues to be confident in her skin as she does her trademark epileptic-gollum dance moves. I've encountered girls around school saying, "I hate Lorde. She is so ugly, like what the hell." and its unsettling because I think, as girls, we need to be supportive of each other and stop criticising how "ugly" or even how "slutty" a girl looks.
It's not only women that are affected by media's portrayal of beauty as men are victims too. Theres also pressure for men to look fit and muscly to convey power and 'manliness'. Girls are guilty too as most girls judge a guy's attractiveness on whether he has chiseled abs, a defined jawline and a tall figure. Personally, I couldn't care less about a guy's physique since it does not influence my liking towards him but I'm still guilty of occasionally judging boys on their clothing choices. I do try my best to judge whether I like a person or not based on their personality although its difficult when we live in a society obsessed with image.
I saw several people from my school posting this personality chart on Facebook and of course I was intrigued by the idea that your "personality" can be visually translated for yours and everyone else's knowledge. (I put quotation marks around "personality" because my friend once said personalities don't exist and in reality we are a mixture other people's traits, opinions, preferences etc.) The personality chart is developed from a strenuous quiz with simple questions and answers, which you obviously have to answer as honest as possible. After a long hour of answering these questions, I viewed my results and it was pretty much what I expected.
I bet my friends would have expected the 'self-confidence' to be insanely high. I expected it to be high but not at THIS high at the maximum rating. Although I was prepared for these results, the extreme 'self-confidence' and 'determination' truly scared me and made me question myself and my motives.
Am I so determined that I would be willing to be corrupt/dishonest/unethical in order to succeed?
Does that make me a selfish person that I would prioritise achieving my own ambitions?
What if I have "too much" self- confidence?
Almost a year ago I made a conscious change to fake my 'self-confidence' because I realised the importance of believing in yourself and your ideas, visions, decisions and ambitions in order to succeed in life and be happy. If you are confident in yourself then you become less reliant on other people's approval of you while other people will also have faith and confidence in you. (I shall save 'the importance of self-confidence and self-love' for a later post.) Over the months, I've become more and more self-assured in my decisions for the future but I still have doubts about certain things.
I know I am a highly ambitious, determined person but I worry that these traits would lead to my downfall just like Macbeth. Shakespeare warns us "security is mortal's chiefest enemy", which makes me think about the dangers of having 'security' in oneself. I often think about this quote/advice because it simply makes sense to me as I relate my excessive self-confidence to the type of 'security' Shakespeare is referring to - Macbeth's false sense of invincibility.
Even before I did this quiz, I had been thinking about the possibility of my ambitiousness and confidence creating a monster within me.
But screw it. I'll use these attributes to my advantage and become successful.
I love it when friends introduce me to new music because it saves me the effort to search for good, new music upon the vast internet. Theres an abundance of musicians putting themselves online through soundcloud, youtube etc. but only a minority of them are actually worth listening to and downloading to your iTunes. Music blogs or online magazines, like Hypetrak, are helpful to an extent but they practically post any music of any new artist so there is a mixture of good, average and awful musicians. I always read the description/overview of the music and artist and the writer always makes the musician sound great but I'm often disappointed when I press play. Whereas, friends know your music taste and have relatively good judgements on what or what not to 'link' you.
Here is a list of upcoming and established musicians my lovely friends have introduced to me / or I've discovered through various outlets (since I also want to return the favour) :
Logic
If Frank Sinatra was reincarnated as a rapper,
he would be re-living his fame and glory as 23-year-old Logic (whose real name
is actually Sir Robert Bryson Hall III – I’m not kidding). Logic embodies the
Sinatra charm and confidence while he blows our mind with his wordplay and the
speed of his rhymes. Although his raps are complex and quick, he manages to
maintain a certain smoothness and an effortless flow. He has a clear vision of achieving mainstream
success while staying loyal to hip hop and we shall see if he remains true to
his word. Logic will be propelled into the
spotlight since his debut album is set to be released this year with the
support of major record label, Def Jam.
source of discovery: www.xxlmag.com
King Krule
There is a Punk renaissance infused with Jazz, Blues and Hip Hop and 19-year-old King Krule (aka Archy Marshall) is leading the way. Don't let his red hair fool you into believing he is an 'Ed Sheeran' type instead I'd say he is more like 'Johnny Rotten' if we were to be generalising gingers (which we shouldn't do). He brings angst to the foreground with his rough, tortured moans and groans while he tells us, "In my head I'm getting dead tired of this shit you've caused/ You fucking bitch." (check out those internal rhymes - he is obviously an avid listener of rap). King Krule freely moves between these indistinct states of singing and rapping (basically punk-rap) against the smoothness of his Fender guitar. Amongst the underground hip hop scene, King Krule has also gained respect with his collaboration with Ratking, a NYC hip hop collective, in So Sick Stories so don't feel your "street cred" is at jeopardy for listening to him.
source of discovery: don't actually remember
FKA Twigs
Although FKA Twigs' music lacks excitement, there is something enchanting and eerie about FKA Twigs and her ethereal electronic production. FKA Twigs deceives the audience with her innocent-Bambi-look while she expresses her sexuality through her lyrics, "That feels good in my/ That feels good/ so so amazing/ I want you in my", - why won't she finish her sentence? To be honest, I think her lyrics are too basic and boring but her use of sound is reasonably intriguing. And If I'm going to be fully honest with you, I think it was her "cool" image rather than her music that convinced me to like her.
source of discovery: Pitchfork... I think?
Glass Animals
I don't know much about Glass Animals except they're a London band consisting of four guys that make great music and understand the effectiveness of minimalism. When my friend tagged me in the Glass Animals' Facebook post of their song, Gooey, I assumed they were some kind of "alty" band. Therefore I was hesitant and wary because I have stigmatised "alternative" music in my mind but I can't always trust my judgements. Glass Animals' repertoire is a delicious mixture of psychedelic, whimsical, electro-pop flavours that I'm obsessed with now, like holy shit.
source of discovery: friend
Grimes
Two years ago, my friend sent me Grimes' Oblivion music video and my initial reaction was, "What the hell is this? Like oh my gosh, this is so weird that I'm slightly creeped out by her." I hated her but yet I could not stop watching her videos and interviews and slowly I became a fan. I truly admire her and her clear vision of herself as an artist (but I'll save my fangirling for another blog post). Visions is a bizarre, phenomenal album with music I thought I wouldn't ever enjoy but Grimes surprised me. Her innovative, futuristic production creates a hypnotic trance amongst listeners and transports them to the Fifth Element. Grimes definitely knows how to take advantage of the influence of pop music as she lures people into the catchiness of her synths. Thank goodness Grimes is currently working on her fourth album otherwise I would have started a riot because I've been anticipating for her to release more music for far too long.
source of discovery: friend - Emma
Arctic Monkeys
I know they've been around for a long time that they are practically veterans of British indie-rock music. I had disregarded the Arctic Monkeys over the years until my friend played AM on vinyl. The opening of the kick drums and moody guitar line (Do I Wanna Know?) instantly opened my eyes to the potency of the Arctic Monkeys. The booming sound system projected the domineering vibrations of the bass amongst the walls, windows, furniture and bodies. It was a stranger, wonderful sensation. If I had listened to their music on the internet, I highly doubt it would have had any influence over me.
This is going to be a random blogpost of my rambling thoughts. Sorry. Usually these types of posts are exclusive to my tumblr but I thought I would try a different stance on my blog.
Thought #1
I am over-joyed with the absence of pressure and stress as I handed in my Media and History assignments. I am proud of the work I produced in both these subjects and I felt I had learned new things and challenged my thinking. For History, I did a research folder on the influence of religion in Kororareka/Russell in regards to the building of the British Empire in New Zealand. This strenuous research had developed my appreciation for New Zealand history and Maori culture as well as making me aware of the early missionaries' legacy today. (Gosh, it sounds like I'm hoping my history teacher would read this and give me a good grade). I also had to write two Media essays on the Ghostwriter by Roman Polanski each consisting of 2500-3000 words. Polanski is highly regarded amongst Hollywood but despite his talents as a director, he is a dirty bastard. I don't support oppressors/rapists and therefore I felt conflicted and uncomfortable praising Polanski's "use of film techniques". I bullshitted just to please my teacher (and also I was on a shortage of ideas) and I wrote, "contemporary audiences may appreciate Polanski's portrayal of Ruth Lang as a femme fatale since he does not introduce her as an object of a man's desire, unlike classic film noir." - Ironically, he obviously views females as objects of his sexual pleasure as he raped and took advantage of a 13-year-old girl.
Thought #2
On the 4th of April, my friend said to me, "Today is suppose to be bad luck because of all the 'fours' in the date." I replied, "What are you talking about? That's not true."
I didn't believe it was 4/04/14 and instead I thought it was 4/04/12 as I genuinely thought it was 2012 for that moment. It was a strange feeling when I realised it was 2014. I had an epiphany and felt as if I was in Donnie Darko or something. Its beyond deja vu but I'm sure I've read about this freak occurrence somewhere. Is it something to do with another universe/dimension or what?
Thought #3
It's unsettling when you notice how much your friends care about their popularity and reputation. I realised this last night at a "gig" organised by people my age, which was a weird experience. My friends and I went with reasonable expectations but we arrived and realised it wasn't "our scene/crowd". With everyone being like "oh my gosh, this is embarrassing... I don't want to be seen here...", it was easy to agree and be swayed by their reactions. I was secretly quite jealous of this "crowd" as they were being creative together and supportive of each other. They looked like they were having heaps of fun as they were dancing to their friend's band. They seemed like they didn't care at all about what people thought. I wish I had more friends who I could be creative, spontaneous and "non-conformist" with. Agh, I need to get some friends like Tavi Gevinson/ Lorde/ M.I.A/ Grimes/ Sky Ferreira. However I love my close friends and its great because recently they have been delving into feminism too!! We hate on shallow boys (especially those St Peter's boys - I'm not afraid to 'name and shame').
Goodness me, its been awhile since I last posted on here. I need to get back into the habit but its difficult with the extensive school work thrown at me. I've been prioritising school assignments over my own outlets of enjoyment. 'Freak' has been nagging me at the back of my mind as it moves down on my 'to do' list. I've written pieces for it and soon they will become irrelevant therefore I'll need to publish something. I don't know how Tavi Gevinson does it or even got started. Maybe I'll take advantage of my 2 week holiday approaching in 5 or so weeks. I haven't even seen Gabbi (my partner-in-crime) at all this year. I want to do something about it though. ahhh
I've also been lacking inspiration and interesting ideas to write about. I feel my intelligence and writing ability has declined, not due to minimal blogging, but because of alcohol consumption (I know that sounds paranoid and silly). I don't drink much but I do feel its affected me in some way. Recently I've decided to just stop drinking alcohol and not aim to get drunk when I go to parties. People ask me, "Why aren't you drinking?", as I drink from my trusty water bottle and answer, "Got to stay hydrated." Imagine how pretentious I would sound if I say, "I don't want to kill my brain cells since I want to remain smart." I'll probably drink again when I feel I've reached my intellectual acme. I'm working to regain and expand my knowledge through various tactics including reading the dictionary and deleting 'very' from my vocabulary.
As of today, I've decided I will aim for an AUT (Auckland University of Technology) scholarship so I can get a Bachelor of Communications degree. Media is a powerful tool in planting ideas and ideals in our minds and I plan to use media to change the attitude of society and challenge people's thinking. I want to form a forward-thinking, innovative magazine that not only focuses on the usual 'music, fashion, art, culture' combo but also addresses world issues such as sexism and racism. Once the magazine is popular and successful, I will start a record label because music artists and magazines are inter-dependent. Despite the abundance of online magazines, I know my creations will appeal to the masses and I will still become a media mogul. I will build a fucking empire.
This morning I watched this video that was shared various times on Facebook by fellow pupils from my all-girls school. I thought, “Finally, somebody did this and did this well”, because the idea of gender equality needs to be conspicuous in order to provoke viewers to question themselves and society. Later today, I realised this video emphatically broadened my awareness of people’s treatment towards me as a young, Asian female. I was at the supermarket and I was looking at the bunches of bananas as I wanted to find the best ones. A middle-aged white man next to me was rapidly picking random bananas and even was separating the bunches - I didn’t know you could do that so I was gazing. He obviously thought I looked clueless since he started saying to me multiple times, “It’s not that difficult, is it?” Initially I thought he was joking and I didn’t know how to react so I just nervously laughed and said, “Haha, yeah.” As he walked off and past me, he said under his breath, “it’s not that difficult”, and thats when I realised he was just being fucking condescending and rude. I finally picked a good bunch of bananas (I’m slow and indecisive) and I spotted him picking out some avocados or something. My aim was to catch his gaze and give him the most devilish glare but he didn’t see me. I did, however, give him the dirtiest look anyways. That incident has been bugging me ever since because it mirrored the video in a way. Why did the white man think he could mock me? He should have fucking respected me and let me pick the best bananas while he picked his own bunch of shitty bananas. If I were a white teenage boy, I doubt he would have said anything - that fatherfucker. I can’t stop thinking about what I should have done in that situation, which derived from patriarchal ideals. If I could re-do that moment, I would stand up against him with my sassiness and intelligence. At least next time I’ll be better prepared. You probably think his remarks weren't of any significance but I think small actions can't be overlooked. I guess I've been taught to think critically about the causes of our behaviours. - freak out
Today marks the end of my summer holidays as tomorrow I will be embarking on my first day of my last year of school. I should be devastated but instead I'm happy. These holidays have been deeply gratifying and have given me opportunities to "break the routine", gain memorable experiences and befriend new people that I didn't expect I would befriend. If my holidays were boring, I would be dreading to go to school since I would be yearning to make up for the lost memories. Thank goodness my holidays were fucking great.
I started my freedom from school with 'On the Road' written by Jack Kerouac, who drew inspiration from his hitch-hiking travels across America and the strange people he met. I didn't actually finish it because it became a bit tedious and boring but I thought it was a beautiful idea to explore the world beyond our own. Coincidently I ended up hitch-hiking a few times this summer (with friends of course) but it obviously didn't compare to the pages of Kerouac's journey. Rather than travelling across my country, we travelled from party to party like typical teenagers. Disappointingly, we didn't meet anyone interesting enough to be mentioned on here. The most interesting were probably the bogans that were on a mission to "score some weed". They were thankfully friendly and stupid enough to have 8 people in their Corolla and I can tell you that it wasn't a comfortable ride sitting on a stranger's lap.
With the benefits of friends and their drivers licence, we weren't limited to the small boundaries of central Auckland suburbs. The ease of transport dissolved worries of being home before curfew as it gained us more time. We could do many different things before our parents began to call, "What time will you be home?". We went to a hidden (but not-so-secret) beach and waterfall. We walked through our schools in a different light as the sun slept. We explored the deteriorating rooms of abandoned and haunted houses while we wondered about the people that lived in them and how the houses came to be this way. My favourite place has been the Carlile house in Ponsonby because it has a certain beauty accumulated from the eerie, distraught and desolate environment. The crumbling walls were covered in quotes and drawings by, I assume, the drug-addicts and the homeless people that occupy the house at night or simply just bored teenagers. According to the internet, the house is heavily haunted but nothing supernatural happened. However there was a constant melody that sounded like a child's toy but it was possibly the neighbour's wind chimes. A door also slammed behind us but I guess it was a relatively windy day ( I hope. I don't remember). I'm just trying to convince myself that I wasn't in the presence of any ghostly characters otherwise I would not be able to sleep peacefully tonight.
The Carlile House
"ALLGOOD BRO"
An abandoned 1970s-80s house
Its going to be difficult to experience a summer more exciting than this one but I am hopeful.
My
excitement for January 17th woke me at 6.30am with hours to spare until I
entered through the gates of Western Springs park and became engrossed with the
music festival vibes. It's been two years since the last Auckland Big Day
Out that struggled with slow ticket sales and financial issues. I reckon the
short hiatus allowed renewal of public interest for BDO 2014 and in addition promoters organised a lineup aimed to bring back BDO with a splash. This was my first BDO as I haven't been old enough for the previous years and therefore I saw BDO as a "coming-of-age" moment.
Mac Miller
The 1975
The warm stench of marijuana dominated the atmosphere while the heat gradually became unbearable as the day aged and the alcohol kicked into our system. Out of my friends, I was practically the only one with the urge to dance that I could not control, which did not benefit my over-heating either. The first act we watched was the 1975, a UK "alternative/indie rock band" (according to wikipedia), play their songs infused with catchy rhythms and guitar riffs about Sex, Girls and Chocolate. Mac Miller was next on the same stage 45 minutes after the 1975 and a larger audience began to accumulate as the 1975 left the stage. I was willing to sneak my way to the front even if it meant losing my friends. I befriended the people around me instead and I noticed a lot of them were from Napier - does that say something about Mac's demographic? This really lovely girl called Jess (I think) even asked for my details so she could invite me to her St Patrick's day party on Remuera road after she had sprayed vodka in my mouth from a sunscreen bottle. Its strange how you could build a small community from the mutual love for the music and artist. Mac rushed onto the stage and opened with Gees as he amped the teenage crowd. His high energy set and pink hair caused him to perspire pink sweat but his coolness was still intact as he obviously did not "give a fuck". He performed a good mixture of his new songs and songs that shot him to fame. OK, Watching Movies and S.D.S were my highlights of his performance but OK would have been even more awesome if Tyler, the Creator somehow materialised on stage. However I did see Diplo and Lorde side of stage together during Mac's performance and I'll also add that Mac gave me some intense eye contact. After this I spent the remaining time until Arcade Fire looking for my friends, which was stressful and a lot more difficult than I expected since reception was unproductive. This procedure repeated various times until I just gave up and enjoyed the music by myself (or with girls from my old school who I haven't talked to in a while). Although later in the night, I found a friend and I'm grateful that he received and replied to my texts because imagine what could have happened at the end of the night if I was still alone.
Arcade Fire
I've never been so entranced by a live performance before I saw Arcade Fire. They were - hands down - my favourite performance of the night and possibly of my life (so far). I only knew three of their songs (Afterlife, Reflektor and The Suburbs) and I did not have any expectations of them before I went to the front. It was a lot easier to get to the front compared to other acts because the audience was older and much more understanding of my lack of height. I was instantly captivated by Win Butler's haunting voice and the violin's high pitched drones as they began with Ready to Start. Their passion, integrity and creativity shone like beams of inspiration to me. They looked like they were truly enjoying themselves as they were immersed in the music like genuine musicians and performers. Knowing only three Arcade Fire songs did not disadvantage my experience at all and it was possibly better if I didn't know all their songs because it was quite magical listening to the songs for the first time in this environment. I realised I had under-estimated the Haitian rhythms as it encouraged uncontrollable hip movement with more power than Major Lazer's dance music (in my opinion). Here Comes The Night Time put me in disbelief as I didn't think a song could move effortlessly between rock and dance rhythms as well as the dark tones of a minor key and the cheerfulness of a major key. The launching of the silver and white confetti added to the whimsical ambiance as I felt as if I were in a giant snow globe. I'm glad that I didn't know anyone around me and I was able to enjoy Arcade Fire alone because that allowed me to dance "like no one was watching" and reach the full potential of my experience. I judge a good concert by whether I feel inspired at the end and Arcade Fire definitely left an imprint on me.
To help you imagine what I was experiencing, heres Arcade Fire's BDO setlist:
I had an insane amount of fun that I hope to re-live again next year at Big Day Out 2015 and I predict they will have even better acts. By the end of January 17th, an eventful and exciting day, I had realised that I had so much of a good time that I forgot to return my library books that were due on that day.
This is practically the sequel to my previous post of my 2014 resolutions. I have one month left until I'm seventeen and I feel like I should take advantage of my adolescence and finally enjoy being sixteen. Theres a romantic aura about being 16, isn't there? At 16, you lose connection with your childhood while you prepare yourself for the realities of adulthood. I regret not making the most of being 16. I don't mean experimenting with sex and drugs - which is expected of a 16 year old. I mean I wish I started things like Freak and getting my learners licence a lot more earlier than in my last few months. I treasured my innocence but that meant I ran away from responsibility hence why I didn't bother to apply for jobs and I only recently started re-vamping my CV. Heres my bucket list:
Get a job
Go to a haunted house (just because)
Release the first issue of Freak
Watch the stars from a car roof
Go on a mini road trip with friends. (not too sure exactly where but it has to be somewhere magical)
Read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell (I've borrowed it from the library already but I want to finish The Beautiful and Damned by F.Scott Fitzgerald first)
Walk the streets while everyone's asleep
Participate in a protest
Learn how to make dumplings
Get a tattoo
Sorry for the lack of excitement. If I don't do all these things before I'm 17, I'll move them to my "Before I turn 18: the bucket list". - freak out (p.s. I will be crossing things off from the list as I've done them)
