awakened by myself

I saw several people from my school posting this personality chart on Facebook and of course I was intrigued by the idea that your "personality" can be visually translated for yours and everyone else's knowledge. (I put quotation marks around "personality" because my friend once said personalities don't exist and in reality we are a mixture other people's traits, opinions, preferences etc.) The personality chart is developed from a strenuous quiz with simple questions and answers, which you obviously have to answer as honest as possible. After a long hour of answering these questions, I viewed my results and it was pretty much what I expected. 

I bet my friends would have expected the 'self-confidence' to be insanely high. I expected it to be high but not at THIS high at the maximum rating. Although I was prepared for these results, the extreme 'self-confidence' and 'determination' truly scared me and made me question myself and my motives. 

Am I so determined that I would be willing to be corrupt/dishonest/unethical in order to succeed?

Does that make me a selfish person that I would prioritise achieving my own ambitions? 

What if I have "too much" self- confidence? 

Almost a year ago I made a conscious change to fake my 'self-confidence' because I realised the importance of believing in yourself and your ideas, visions, decisions and ambitions in order to succeed in life and be happy. If you are confident in yourself then you become less reliant on other people's approval of you while other people will also have faith and confidence in you.  (I shall save 'the importance of self-confidence and self-love' for a later post.) Over the months, I've become more and more self-assured in my decisions for the future but I still have doubts about certain things.

I know I am a highly ambitious, determined person but I worry that these traits would lead to my downfall just like Macbeth. Shakespeare warns us "security is mortal's chiefest enemy", which makes me think about the dangers of having 'security' in oneself.  I often think about this quote/advice because it simply makes sense to me as I relate my excessive self-confidence to the type of 'security' Shakespeare is referring to - Macbeth's false sense of invincibility. 

Even before I did this quiz, I had been thinking about the possibility of my ambitiousness and confidence creating a monster within me. 

But screw it. I'll use these attributes to my advantage and become successful. 

- freak out