Some people say your 18th birthday is the first day of your life so I guess I've been alive for a week now. Changes have already occurred within my first week of adulthood; I've quit piano lessons and I've released FREAK. I'm also currently listening to the Suburbs album and I already feel nostalgic listening to the portrayal of teenage life in the suburbs/small towns. Whereas, a month ago I felt it reflected my current life as we wasted our hours driving around Auckland with nothing to do but searching for something to do. For some reason, I feel like I'm already looking back on my teen years - where I had minimal responsibility and commitments. Now I actually have a job.
It wasn't a hard decision for me to quit piano lessons because I hadn't been practising often and therefore each piano lesson was a waste of time and my parent's money. But I didn't realise the emotional consequence of erasing something that has been engraved into my weekly routine for 9 years. Every wednesdays at 4pm I was prepared to disappoint my teacher with my lack of practise or sometimes I was excited to please her with my improvement and fluency of Chopin, Beethoven, Debussy or Schumann. Although my mum forced me into piano lessons and I initially hated it, I grew to accept it as a part of my life. I grew to enjoy and embrace my musical abilities as I took music at school and realised I had a knack for music. I owe a lot to my piano teacher of 9 years as she gave me the foundation of my music knowledge because how else would I know what key signatures are?
Piano lessons have taught me more than how to play piano as it has also taught me the importance of practise because you will never progress without practise. Its taught me to keep playing and look forward if I make a mistake when I'm performing for others. I almost cried when I was on the phone to my piano teacher as she advised me to continue playing piano in my spare time because the 9 years of piano lessons would go to waste. I've already cried a few times knowing I'm free on wednesdays now. I've been practising and playing piano but it sucks to know no one will hear it. Quitting piano lessons symbolised the end of a chapter in my life as I associate those memories of piano lessons with my childhood. I plan to continue to learn and practise piano pieces and surprise my teacher with a call asking to have a lesson to get some tips and constructive criticism. Nevertheless, I'm still a pianist.
The day before my 18th birthday, I began to make FREAK zine with an aim to finish it before midnight. I was making a birthday present for myself. I just wanted to produce something even if it were to be a shitty, little zine. I had asked a lot of people to contribute content but I realised I'd probably be more pleased with it if I just do it all myself for the first issue. I drew the pictures, took the photos and wrote every word. My back and knees became tender and sore as I sat crossed-legged on the floor cutting and pasting all day. After a long day of typing, printing, paper-cutting and gluing, I finally finished it. Even though it's not what I had planned, I'm still pleased with the final product and I foresee a promising future for FREAK. I've proven myself I'm able to make things happen. FREAK has helped me progress in my journey of 'not giving a fuck' as I post about FREAK without worrying about the amount of likes, comments or praise.
I just want people to be exposed to new ideas and experiences that they wouldn't receive from their family, friends or school. I understand I need to be social-media-savvy if I want FREAK to reach the masses and therefore I need to be totally shameless on instagram and tumblr. I don't care if its "cringe" or "annoying" of me to promote FREAK because at least I'm doing something. I've already accumulated a decent amount of interest for this first issue from people I don't often talk to. I haven't received any comments from the people I was associated with in school. I'm glad FREAK has attracted 'cool' people while repelling basic bitches but those people need FREAK because they need to educate themselves in individuality, social issues and good music. Some people don't care and some people think I'm weird (or a freak) but I don't give a fuck because I'm going to be successful as fuck.
Next week I'm meeting with the organiser of Auckland Zinefest to discuss possible opportunities for me to help organise zinefest.
" And here in my own skin
I can finally begin"
- Deep Blue, The Suburbs, Arcade Fire
- freak out
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