mid-teen crisis: episode 2

"Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in."- Ricky Fitts, American Beauty

I spent 2 hours at the park by myself as if I was having a 'Holden Caulfield' moment. I was just in the mood to feel like a protagonist of a 'rites of passage' novel. 

I chucked on my army green raincoat (ironically like Lindsay Weir), put my earphones in and strolled to Monte Cecilia park with my hands in my pockets. I only had the company of my music.

As the greenery opened out in front of me with the shadows of the hills and trees, I realised I was the only person there at that moment. I guess you can say I was alone. 

I was drawn to the trees in search of a climbable one because I wanted to feel like a kid again. It wasn't easy finding one since most of Monte Cecilia's trees are overwhelmingly massive as they've been there since the late 1800s. If the trees could talk, I can imagine them being wise with many tales to share. I tried my best not to trip over the giant anacondas dwelling in the fallen leaves.

Each time I thought I found the perfect tree, I got closer and saw that the tree was bound in thick spider webs, yuck. I walked through hovering curtains of leaves and I walked into another realm with the tree acting as a dome. I decided to make myself comfortable in this tree that was less extravagant than the rest. While I was looking up at the sun and the leaves, Lorde was singing to me about how she feels the same way about being a teenager.

I relocated myself to the grass to take advantage of the sun. My black jeans were soaking up the warmth as I laid there. I stared at the clouds, observing their movement and interaction with each other. It seemed like the clouds were dancing to Lana Del Rey's 'Black Beauty' while I was listening to it. Everything seemed so beautiful to me.

As I was trying to clear up my mind, more thoughts were hitting me;

Why does everybody want to get drunk and get with each other all the time? Am I the only 16-year-old girl that truly treasures her innocence? Why does everyone try so hard to impress each other? I wish I hang out with people that have similar interests and ambitions as me rather than having friends based on superficial reasons. I know I get along with almost everyone but it doesn't mean I connect with almost everyone. Sometimes I would just like to have conversations beyond small-talk and gossip. 
Oh crap, I'm almost seventeen. 

Gosh, the people that walked by me must have thought I was a strange girl, especially since I was wearing a raincoat on a sunny day. Oh well, at least I feel enlightened. 

- freak out